Isaiah 43:18-19

As the years go by, my desire to be a devoted servant of the Lord is constantly increasing. My thoughts are often on Him and what He would have me do next. I try to be maintain a near-constant state of prayer in the hopes that He will continue to renew and refine me. I find myself truly desiring more of God. His word, His plan, His way.

Despite that, I am often plagued by the same question: “Why me?”

It is the question I have been asking myself a lot lately. I have wrestled with this calling: the call to midwifery and the call to the mission field. I wonder all the time why God placed this longing in my heart. I have tried to run from it, to shove it down and make it go away but it is always there.

I feel like the last person on earth who belongs on the mission field. I’m so… messed up. That sounds cliche, but it’s true. I have been through some stuff and I’m STILL going through some stuff! I don’t understand how God can not only redeem my past, but also to imagine Him using my present? And to trust Him with my future? This is turning out to be a lot more complicated than I expected it to be when it first crossed my mind to become a midwife in 2019.

As I was reading my Bible today I was reminded that God is still doing the work of redemption!

Isaiah 43:18- 19 says: “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

This was exactly the reminder I needed. Not only will He redeem us, but He will make a way forward. I know the path ahead is difficult and I can’t make sense of how I will run this race, but I trust the Lord to renew me daily and provide me with what I need to see His plan to fruition.

If you are someone struggling to reconcile your past self with your calling, I pray you are encouraged by this reminder: God is doing something new! Rejoice!

Lord, may You grant us the wisdom to find the path that you have paved for us and the strength to travel down it in Your image.